Actually it is, but I’m ignoring it. It’s not because I’ll be 35 – half the time I can’t remember if I’m 34 and DH is 35 or if I’m 35 already and he’s 36 but I know he’s older, and always will be! It’s because tomorrow is now the day we will be doing the Jam’s pre-op tests, which is not compatible with birthdays for two reasons.
Firstly, I don’t want the Jam to see me opening presents and cards in the morning, just a few hours before he has to undergo blood tests, an ECG and an echocardiogram (at least). If he knows it’s my birthday, he’ll think we’re catching the train into London to do something nice and while he doesn’t normally mind visiting the Evelina, it’s hardly top of the ‘fun things to do in London’ list. I don’t want him to associate my birthday with hospital procedures in the future.
Secondly, I already know that I won’t enjoy whatever we do after the pre-op tests tomorrow. We’re going to try to make the most of the afternoon – Dad, MiL and FiL will be joining us – but it will be more about brave faces than genuine smiles. On Friday morning I have to hand my baby over to a (very talented) surgeon for a long, difficult and risky operation so I won’t be in the party mood the day before. I’ve always made a big fuss about my birthday – university friends may remember being persuaded to stay up well past midnight on two consecutive nights to
drink see it in and out – as it’s a bright spot in an other wise cold and dark post-Christmas month. I don’t want me to associate my birthday with hospital procedures in the future either.
Instead, I’m hoping to celebrate my birthday later in the year, when the Jam is fully recovered and we can all enjoy the occasion. I might even have a summer party with a barbecue and a bouncy castle! If you know me feel free to wish me a “Happy Birthday” tomorrow – it won’t be, but that’t not really what the phrase means. I prefer to think of it as another way to say “I care about you and I’m thinking of you. I want the best for you”. On the other hand, feel free to ‘forget’, just this once…