Me: Jamie, would you like a train cake for your birthday, or maybe a bus?
The Jam: I want stripy cake.
Me: Okay, I can do stripy.
The Jam: Dinosaur cake.
Me: That’s fine – dinosaur cake or stripy cake?
The Jam: Yes Mummy, stripy dinosaur cake.
My son will be having major heart surgery in the new year. If he wants stripy dinosaur cake, then he will have stripy dinosaur cake.
How to make stripy dinosaur cake
1. Prepare 1.5 x Nigella Lawson’s Victoria Sponge recipe from How To Be A Domestic Goddess. Split between four bowls and add food colouring. Worry that the food colouring will make it taste horrible. Bake in sandwich tins (in two batches). Cool, the wrap each layer in cling film and foil then freeze. Worry that freezing and defrosting will make it taste horrible.
2. At 7.45am, remove cakes from the freezer and make The Crabapple Bakery‘s Vanilla Buttercream. Split between three bowls and add food colouring. Ignore relations who are trying to get breakfast. Sandwich the layers together.
3. Continue to ignore relations who are now trying to make tea. Roll out white (bought) icing and cover the cake. Make 3D dinosaur from coloured icing and gratefully accept SiL’s offer to make a second and different 3D dinosaur. Run out of ideas and / or space so make a dinosaur egg. Roll out more coloured icing and use a dinosaur shaped cookie cutter to make 2D dinosaurs for the sides plus one for the top with ‘Jamie’ written on it. Stick everything in place. Back away slowly…