Having finally convinced DH that we need to buy some curtains for the spare room (to replace the mismatched single ones from the old house), I headed off to Bluewater to find something ‘not too expensive’ (ready-made) that would fit both the window and the single door to the balcony. In John Lewis I spotted a some on display in the ready-made section that came in three different drops (or lengths for those who don’t speaker soft-furnishings-ese). Oddly, I couldn’t find any on the shelves, so I
hunted tracked down a shop assistant and inquired.
Me: Can I have a long and a short pair of these curtains please?
JL Bluewater: Oh, we don’t actually carry those in store. The central London stores have them or you can get them online. I’ll check for you… Yes, they have 46 pairs available on the website.
Went home, logged on, searched by name, by stock number and by clicking through several thousand ‘narrow your search’ links. Apparently, these curtains do not exist on the website. They’re not out of stock; they’re just not there. Decided to ring the Oxford Street store instead.
JL Oxford Street: Oh yes, we do have those usually, but they’re out of stock at the moment. 46 are pairs available in the website though…
Me: No they’re not. They don’t exist on the website.
JL Oxford Street: Really? Let me check…. Oh, I see what you mean. Well, they have the long ones in the Brent Cross store and the short ones in Stratford. I’ll put in an order for you and they’ll ring you to take payment.
Me: That’s great. Thanks for your help.
JL Brent Cross: We only have one pair left so probably best to order them rather than wait for Stratford to confirm…
Me: Okay, the number on my credit card is…
JL Stratford: No, sorry, they’ve all been sold…but there are 46 pairs available on the website.
Me: No, they don’t exist on the website.
JL Stratford: Really? Let me check…. Oh, I see what you mean. Well, three stores still have one or two pairs in stock. I’ll ask them to call you.
JL X: No, sorry, they’ve all been sold…but there are 46 pairs available on the website.
Me: No, they don’t…forget it, thanks for your time.
JL Y: No, sorry, they’ve all been sold…but there are 46 pairs available on the website.
Me: No, thanks, bye.
JL Z never called back. Decided to return to Bluewater for one final attempt.
Me: You definitely don’t have these curtains in stock? Is there any way you can order them from the website for me?
JL Bluewater: No and no, but there are 46 pairs available…
Me: I’ll take these completely different curtains please.
Arrived home, with new curtains, to find a large package from JL Brent Cross!
To be fair and truthful, JL Bluewater were very apologetic, promised to look into it and offered to call me if they solved the mystery of the missing 46 pairs of curtains, but by then I’d abandoned all hope. We now have lovely curtains in the spare room, and the original pair up in our bedroom.