I don’t appreciate my husband enough. I know this and I’m trying to rectify it, but somehow everyday life, with a toddler, gets in the way and I snap at him because I’m tired or frustrated or upset. Usually it isn’t his fault that I feel that way (though sometimes it is) but he’s often the first person I see after a day when the Jam has wound me up, or kept me up the night before. I hate admitting that I’m wrong, even in private, but this post is a public apology.
I also want to thank him for supporting me through some difficult times, for putting up with me on grumpy days, and for loving me and the Jam more than he can express in words. He always says that he’s not good at choosing and writing cards, but he’s learnt to show his feelings in other ways. For my birthday last month, he bought me a spa day, knowing that time to myself is the most precious gift he could give me at the moment.
This is a poem by Christina Rossetti that I wrote in one of the first birthday cards I gave him after we got together; it was also one of the readings at our wedding:
I wish I could remember that first day,
First hour, first moment of your meeting me,
If bright or dim the season, it might be
Summer or Winter for aught I can say;
So unrecorded did it slip away,
So blind was I to see and to foresee,
So dull to mark the budding of my tree
That would not blossom yet for many a May.
If only I could recollect it, such
A day of days! I let it come and go
As traceless as a thaw of bygone snow;
It seemed to mean so little, meant so much;
If only now I could recall that touch,
First touch of hand in hand – Did one but know!
Maybe someday I’ll post more explaining why this poem means a lot to us (along with these dinosaurs), but today I just want to say sorry, thank you and I love you to my husband. Happy Birthday – your present’s on its way!