Note to self: Moving is Seoul-destroying

Dear Me in about four years,

You’re browsing on Right Move again aren’t you? This is how it starts. “I’m just looking. We don’t plan on moving for at least another year or two, but it doesn’t hurt to see what’s around.” I know you. Something will catch your eye – another bedroom for the kid(s), a kitchen with space for a double oven, a proper drive… You do not need these things and before you convince yourself (and DH) that you do, please remember what moving house is really like.

Before: Boxes…remember the boxes? Huge, unsteady towers of indistinguishable brown boxes piled in front of, around, and on top of the furniture. Even if you pay somebody else to pack them, you still have to climb over them. Don’t forget about the few (hundred) that you and DH will feel compelled to pack yourselves. Your current house is is bigger than the one before it, with more storage, which means more crap stuff and more boxes. Remember that the removal company won’t go up into the attic, so everything will have to be brought down and stored somewhere in the house for at least a couple of days. It’s a much bigger attic and I’m willing to bet you’ll still have unopened boxes from the move before the one we’ve just done!

During: Moving day is hell. Even if MiL can take the Jam to a kind friend’s place for the day again, and even if DH isn’t on a very-important-arranged-months-ago-totally-uncancellable business trip to the other side of the world this time, it’ll still be hell. You’ll get up early (tired because you couldn’t sleep the night before); do some last minute panic packing; be unable to find things you actually need because they’ve been packed; get in the way of removal men packing the lorry; begrudgingly clean all the things you’re not taking; sit doing nothing except worrying about the things you can’t do until the estate agent calls; get the call and rush off to get the keys then try to get moved before it gets dark. Unless you contrive to move in June, you’ll fail. Then you can spend the evening admiring box mountain in it’s new setting.

After: First there’s the unpacking, which takes forever. You can’t get to the cupboards to put things away because the boxes of things that need to go in the cupboards are in the way. This may also apply to whole rooms. It will only be slightly better if DH doesn’t get stranded in Seoul (or anywhere else) for 26 hours this time. As your sanity and box mountain slowly erode, the new house will become visible. Initially you will start to relax and feel that you can see the summit / light at the end of the tunnel / whole floor – it’s a mirage. At this point, you start to notice the ‘quirks’. Okay, so the survey should flag up the big stuff (leaky flat roof, dodgy wiring, large tree growing through the garage) and maybe you spotted the conveniently toddler-sized gaps between the horizontal(?!) bannisters before you moved in, but what about the less obvious things? Window locks with no keys (and/or windows with no locks), sink with no overflow, glass shower screen that the Jam likes to swing on, curtains that cover the radiator… By the time it’s all sorted, you’ll be ready to move again!

Sorry Right Move, it's just too risky!
Sorry Right Move, it’s just too risky!

Anyway, the house you have now is lovely. (At least, it better be once DH and I have finished dealing with the ‘quirks’.) You have a great garden for the Jam, plenty of space for toys, a shelf in the airing cupboard that’s ideal for proving bread and a little balcony, on which I hope you and DH have managed to share a bottle of wine occasionally. You don’t need to move. Unless of course you’ve found that house with an extra bedroom, space for a double oven AND a proper drive…

Lots of love from Me xxx

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3 thoughts on “Note to self: Moving is Seoul-destroying

    1. Indeed…not sure if the epistolary form is a writing experiment or some kind of distancing therapy for a traumatic event!

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